Establishing New Rules
Do you sometimes hit a plateau in your life and wonder, ugh! What's happening? Why am I feeling so unmotivated, exhausted and uninterested?, when usually you're the exact opposite. Change is something no one does particularly well with. It's a fact, trust me. However, it might be exactly what you need in this moment in time. Think about it. You've been through change before, it's not your first time. Did you survive? What did you learn? What can you avoid? Now, that may have you thinking WAIT, Yes! I got that new job that time I was conflicted or I'm so glad I went on that trip because... We all have those moments. We all need those moments. We all live for those moments. So, what if by anticipating it, you can start planning for it.
So where do you begin?
Step 1: Take a YOU-day. Go to your favorite place alone with your journal. Don't forget your favorite snack, the brain needs fuel.
Step 2: What is not satisfying you at this moment in your life? What is it that makes you unhappy? No one else can answer this question. No one knows you more than you. Don't get in your way. Just write it down. Whether it’s your job, school, education level, relationship, place of living, family, friends. Just make a note. It's ok if you have more than one or two, most people do.
Now, let's change that.
Step 3: Is there something you can do to change the situation? How long will this take? Write it down. Don't think of the obstacles yet. Just jot down your solutions. What needs to happen? Think of it like this, I need a specific book for school next semester and need to save $10 per paycheck to be able to buy it in 3 months - OR - I want a new job and I know I’m qualified so in the next 1 month, I will fill out 5 applications. After writing these down, see how they make you feel. Are you excited?
Most people have their answers to problems. Not, the right answers but "their" answers. If you can sit down and identify clear solutions to the your current circumstance, you've started your action plan! Your action plan to constant growth, which leads to constant satisfaction. Which, I don't need to tell you, but I will, leads to constant happiness.
Now, incase you the rules weren’t clear,
New Rule #1: Self Care: sometimes you need to be alone. ). We live in a world where others' opinions, views and beliefs make us question our own. Some people are stronger than others while some struggle with staying true to themselves, which leads to conformation & the fear of change. Sometimes you don't need any advice, you just need time to hear yourself think.
Side note: as a behavioral therapist I find myself thinking out loud & when asked, I always have the same answer,
“Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice also.” (therapist joke, haha)
You need to allow yourself time to process how someone or something makes you feel. You need to dedicate some time to yourself everyday to unwind, no matter how busy you are. So go ahead and have a chat with yourself.
New Rule #2: Challenge yourself 4 times a year! Finding excitement is necessary. Now this is different than self care. Self care could be a small daily gesture to keep yourself sane and happy. Excitement is usually something that requires more planning and time to complete than an hour or two. Excitement is defined differently for everyone. For example, for some people it's skydiving and for others it's wine tasting at a vineyard.
Now before you start giving yourself excuses for why you can't do that,
New Rule #3: Delete the word CAN'T from your vocabulary. "Where there's a will, there will always be a way". I am a firm believer in, “if you really want something, then you will find a way, not an excuse”. What do you really want is the key questions. If you want something bad enough you'll have to work for it, and you will be glad that you did.
So remember, Self Care, Excitement & Yes I Can, 3 new rules to a fulfilling life!