When No One Gets It: How to Advocate and Still Protect Yourself
Dealing with mental health stigma is no walk in the park. It can feel undermining and isolating. Dealing with the feeling of no one understanding what you are going through or not taking you seriously can be so much worse than dealing with the symptoms of the mental health condition itself. This is where advocating for yourself comes into play. It is important to stand up for yourself and communicate what you are going through. You never know if others are actually open to hearing your perspective; they may not completely understand what it is like in your head, but they are willing to listen and be there just the same. However, it is equally important to know when self-advocacy begins to feel like talking to a wall, and it is time to walk away to protect your peace. This post offers advice on how to advocate for yourself, and knowing when it is time to walk away.
How Do You Self-Advocate?
Understand your own needs - this is the first step in learning how to advocate for yourself. Before you can begin to talk about your experiences with others, it is important to first recognize what you require to feel safe, supported, and regulated. Some reflection questions to ask are:
“What environments and/ or activities make my symptoms worse?”
“What helps me stay calm and regulated?”
“What triggers me to feel overwhelmed or spiral?”
“What boundaries can I put into place that help me feel safe and protect my mental health?”
Communication is key - it is important to not be afraid of communicating your needs. It is equally important to do so clearly, but in a way that works best for you. The conversation does not have to be perfect, just honest. Individuals with mental health diagnosis and/or who are neurodivergent may struggle with communication, so it is OK to communicate however you see fit. Some ways to communicate can include:
Writing down what you would like to say
Being short and direct; avoid overexplaining
Rehearsing the conversation before having it
Setting boundaries - when you live with mental health conditions, boundaries are imperative for preventing burnout, emotional overload, and retraumatization. Some examples of healthy boundaries can look like:
Continuing a conversation at a later time if it becomes too much
Stepping away from conversations or situations that may put your mental well-being at risk
Seek out like-minded groups or individuals - advocating for yourself becomes easier when you can connect with others who share your experiences, respect your boundaries, honor your needs, and do not view mental health conditions as failures. It can be so difficult trying to get everyone to understand what you are going through, especially friends, family, and even coworkers, but some people may never understand, and that is OK. No matter how hard you try, you are not always going to fit into certain environments because they are not made for you, and that is also OK. You need to connect with the right people, and seek out environments that support you and your needs. Supportive communities can look like:
Facebook groups
Mental health advocacy organizations
Group therapies
Support groups
Friends and family who do understand
But When Should You Walk Away?
Signs that someone is not willing to understand, and it is time to walk away:
You feel constantly drained, overwhelmed, spiraling, or triggered after the conversations
Your experiences are constantly dismissed or minimized
Your boundaries are repeatedly disrespected or people make you feel guilty for setting them
People use your mental illness as a flaw or a weapon
Final Thoughts
Advocating for your mental health is an act of strength, self-respect, and self-preservation. It requires understanding your own needs first before communicating them in a way that works for you, and setting boundaries to protect your well-being. While some people may genuinely try to understand and support you, others may not, and that is OK. Knowing when to step back is as equally important as standing up for yourself. Walking away from invalidating or harmful interactions is not giving up, it’s choosing the peace you deserve.
